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I came to know that a doctor at the hospital and a nun had an affair. Once when a patient was brought to the hospital in a critical condition, the doctor was found missing.

We, the nuns, frantically searched for him; but he was nowhere to be seen. Knowing their closeness to each other, I somehow felt that he would be closeted with the nun somewhere.

Finally, my search led to a room from which I heard hushed voices. I told him that a doctor is worthless if he cannot attend to a patient in an emergency.

The mother, an Italian named Luccia, was informed too. I told her in Italian that those two had been carrying on for a while and they should be thrown out.

The issue simmered for some time and both the doctor and the nun went back to their old ways. Subsequently, the doctor even threatened to kill me. But, almost everyone seemed to side with them and I felt isolated.

I just had to ignore what was happening. I was really disgusted with the way the convent worked and was really reluctant to continue there. It even affected my taking the communion and my confessions.

I felt disgusted the way some uncommitted priests conducted the church rituals. They were plain perfunctory.

There was a practice of assigning daily duty for everyone in the convent. They mostly seemed to feel that they had lost something in life.

Right from my childhood, I handled the difficulties I faced without letting my family and others know. Therefore, this sense of aloofness was growing in me.

In fact, I realise only now that on such situations Mother Mary was giving me the mental strength. Such an incident happened to me as well. As somebody who had thought of Jesus Christ as the only savior since the age of six, this experience pained me immensely.

This incident, in which a priest tried to molest me and I hit him with a wooden stool in self defence, became a big issue at the congregation.

Although I was the one outraged, in their eyes, I was the culprit. The unwritten rule was: whatever the priests did, nobody could question them.

The incident happened at the Chevayaoor convent. There was this practice of serving breakfast to the priests after the morning communion. Sometimes, it was sent to the church.

The nuns needed to take turns to cook for them and serve them. Nobody used to help me or advise me. Instead, they seemed to get some vicarious pleasure by pointing out the mistakes.

I used to find it very painful. I went to the dining hall with egg curry and 'appam'. He came in, washed his hands and bolted the door before taking his seat.

He asked me to serve; but sensing some mischief, I stayed away. When he persisted, I started shivering with fear. At that moment, I deeply hated the rule that one should obey whatever the priests orders.

When I cried, he tried to pull me close to his chest. I relieved myself and ran, but he chased me around the table.

I really got wild as I used to do when I was a child on such situations. I got hold of a wooden stool in front of me and hit him hard.

It fell on his head and he started bleeding profusely. I got both sad and scared although I did it in self-defence - he was a priest.

I screamed in fear and rushed out of the room and told everyone what happened. But most of them appeared indifferent and started scolding me.

When they went into the room , the priest was on his chair, speechless and drenched in blood. He was taken to the Kozhikode medical college hospital where it was reported that he fell in the bathroom.

I was the target of tremendous ire after that incident. When everybody walked away from me as if I was a proclaimed offender I prayed hard.

But when I realised that it was the way things worked, I really got scared that I was trapped in serious danger. Nuns are no different; however, we choose not to act upon these natural, sexual feelings and urges.

Think for example of other people in committed relationships. Committed people make a choice to not act on those feelings. Same thing with nuns. We are deeply human and can have sexual urges or fall in love.

When I was discerning religious life and felt convinced it was for me and it was! Horrified that I fell in love while considering religious life, I went to my nun mentor and told her.

She said to enjoy it! My nun was a great guide through that time because it was important for me to know how to deal with those feelings because they inevitably will arise if we are to be true lovers of God.

So, how do nuns deal with the temptation of wanting sex? Sex can be a powerful experience of union and love.

For a nun, we vow to be celibate and so we choose to express union and love in other ways, such as through our community life, our relationships, and our ministry Check out my post Do nuns know how to love?

Dealing with it may be solved by a splash of cold water or it may mean talking it over with a trusted friend or mentor. This is where being part of a community really helps because you are with women who have made the same choice and can support you and guide you through times like this.

Community life helps you tap into the relationships that truly sustain you, that give you a joy and intimacy that goes beyond any urge for sex however compelling it may seem at the time!

It is a great question for us to reflect on, and any dialog we can have on this would be especially helpful for those considering religious life. Together we can continue to help others find joy and meaning in life!

D onate today! What a wonderful and straightforward answer you have given Kellie. Just refreshing to have someone explain about love and commitment.

I am married 45 years and what you said is also true for married couples. As someone who is currently discerning religious life, I found this a refreshing answer to an excellent quesiton.

I am convinced that God has a wicked sense of humor. Before final vows, I fell head over heels for a young man with whom I worked six days a week.

But like Sr. Julie stated, we need to know that we can love one person. It was a choice for me, then, of if I wanted to share my love with one person or with the whole world.

God gave me that opportunity to see both sides when I developed that crush on my co-worker. My friend was gay, and nothing I could do could change that.

I have come to believe that God was so jealous of my vocation that He was very selective of whom he sent my way! One last thing, one of our past provincial ministers once told us that we need to find appropriate ways to satisfy our libidos.

With me it is singing, either with a great choir or in a shower with great accoustics! Singing a difficult piece well and with all my heart is such a rush for me.

God is so good! I find that prayer is both my most profound expression of love, as well as the single most important thing I can do to maintain my commitment to a life of virginity.

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